HigH FeveR !!

having a high fever since yesterday.. the whole body temperature increased all of sudden!! this is the 1st time i hv been lying on the bed the whole day!! frenz alwayz see me as the gal who dun sleepz~!! nw tat im on my bed, they mz be suprised for tat!! haha.. anywayz.. it think it's getting fine today.. jz abit of drowsiness.. phew~~ luckily i din attend 4pm class jz nw, or else.. i think i'll be fainted in MMU!!

so upset tat.. he din even ask me hw am i feeling today.. i knw.. " y shud he care for u rite? ".... "u're nt even his girlfriend!!" .. but.. cant he jz care for me as a fren??.. sigh.. im so dissappointed.. sobs.. kk.. cant type any longer.. goin back to sleep.. nitez..

HappiNess Goes to Who? Sadness Goes to Who Then?

yesterday.. i went to someone's 'farewell party' de.. wasnt enjoying much of coz.. especially when i was feeling sick n wanting to throw out.. so tat explained the lesser food i had then.. haha.. anyway.. there i saw him.. with his gang.. it was a strangely 'tense' i was having there.. not tat i can hv a normal conversation with him.. even in a crowd of ppl!! n so, i din talk to him the whole nite there.. sigh.. jz a little glance at him secretly.. at the end, i left the place earlier than him de.. coz my frenz wanted to take off n i was not feeling well too.. when i reached home, i saw my classmate, S who was sitting at SFC angrily.. he told me tat they din wait for him n ignored him de.. i was like.. huh?? ( coz i was supposed to yum cha with him at 10pm, n i was late by 10 mins!) n so he cancelled 'yum cha' thing n took off with a seriously fierce look man!! n today, i saw him arguing with them hastily.. if someone din stop him, im afraid tat a big fight will happen soon!! after tat, i din notice wat hv happened de.. i guess S was still angry with them kua...

few more weeks over here.. n i wont hv to c him anymore.. hope tat i could let go all our memories here.. coz i dunwan to bring it to cyber.. i dunwan to suffer from it anymore.. it's painful enough for me to think about it everyday adi.. lovely moments.. laughter moments.. hard moments.. hurtful moments.. all started from here.. malacca.. sigh.. all unforgetable moments.. =..... ( n to JE.. im really sorry if i hv said anything tat had upset u all this while.. although we cant be together, we're still frenz rite?... u're alwayz be my best fren here~ thankz for supporting me in everything... god bless u~!! n gd luck in everything~!!

Specially..

this song expresses the feeling tat i had nw... it's " Have u ever" by S Club 7..
n it's dedicated to him..

Have u ever

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round
Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, (I should know) cos I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go


end*


yea.. i really did lost the day i let u go.. sobs..

A " No" to My QuesTIoN..

i finally pop out the question to him.. while i was on my way back home.. n unfortunately, the answer is NO.. he wished us both to stay as frenz as alwayz.. at 1st, i felt nothing.. coz i knew this is gonna be his answer soon.. but later.. my tears started to tear out.. sobing myself in the crowd of ppl.. at tat time, i found myself struggling with the pain tat is in my heart.. i tried to stay calm as i dunwan to embarass myself in front of others.. but.. but.. i jz cant stand it.. i had to rush to the toilet n cried out.. n jz kept crying.. (t's my habit.. when im upset, jz let me cry out loud the whole day n i'll be fine..)

i cant cry anymore.. i dunwan to be hurt anymore.. im gonna try to forget him.. as this is wat i hv to do rite nw.. i cant do anything about it.. if he wants us to remain as frenz, as his wish then.. i'll try to be his fren then.. hopefully i wont be feeling awkard if i c him.. plz.. i hv got to throw away everything tat has got to do with him!! jz be patient till december!! from now on, FOCUS on studies!! as my buddy usually says~ FOCUS!!!! ..... gosh! i hv got to go out n socialize with ppl more!! be much more friendly~ yesh! yesh! ( i think im getting crazy nw.. haha)

oh btw, im sorry if i had ever hurt someone's feeling through my blog here.. thousands of apologizes to u guys!! peace to all~!!

Sweet But HOT!!

phew.. jz came back from a very very relaxing place.. hotspring~!! tat's rite, hotspring~!! the place is at tampin, which is.. i think in n. sembilan.. we arrived there at around 12 something.. there's alot of ppl had already doused in the... HOT WATER!! at 1st, we tried our luck in the pool which the water was at 60 degrees!!!! i cant even put my leg into the water!! it was an undescridable... HOT!!! so.. we switched to the pool which was slightly cooler than the 1st one... 30 degrees i guess.. n it was ok~ much more relaxing in it.. hehe.. i immersed my whole body underwater.. wow.. SWEET N COMFORT~~ most important, it helps to refresh my body.. n also stimulate my sweats out.. but.. on the bad side is tat.. i get thirsty easily.. n when i got up, i felt dissy... the whole place was spinning... almost fainted over there... LUCKILY, it did not happen... or else, someone hv to call the ambulans.. hahahaha.. kk... so much for the hotspring..

oh ya.. i jz chat with him a moment ago.. n i had a nice time chatting.. sigh.. y??.. y do he cum n chat with me when my expetations on him is lower??... when i wanted to chat with him, he din giv any response... n nw, when i hv adi expect tat nothing is gonna happen, he cam to chat.. sigh.. i kept on listening to this song "jiao wo ru he bu ai ta" (in chinese) coz it expresses my feelings at this time.. n it's meaningful to me as well.. haiz.. how??.. wat can i do??...
i also hv another problem with another guy, JF.. let's jz say tat my answer (no) to him has affected our friendship too.. nw, he din talk to me anymore.. not even when we both accidentally bump into each other.. sigh.. hw can i save our friendship at this time?.. oh god, plz guide me through this whole obstacle... haiz..

ChanGes Shud Be Done..

maybe i kept thinking too much about him.. until tat.. i dunno who i am nw.. im lost.. my identity has lost nw.. wandering somewhere.. since when hv i been feeling like this?.. since i hv lost him?.. or since the beginning?.. the whole thing kept spinning inside my brain.. i cant even stand properly.. it has affected my life balance too..
i dun wan to be like this.. i dun wan to be like a paralyzed person.. even worse.. i dun wan to be a useless person!.. i wanna stand up again!.. jz because i was in-love with him, my whole life has ruined??!... NO WAY!! this will be jz wasting my time over here to concentrate on my studies!! from nw on, im gonna try to think more to studies than him!! if tat's the last thing i would hv to do!!!
tomolo.. oh no, it's supposed to be LATER.. i will be attending my 2nd week of class de.. sigh.. time has passed much faster than i thought.. hopefully i could focus more on lecture than on him.. i hope so.. midterm exam is coming soon.. n im SO not well-prepared for it!! got to look through some books... or least lecture notes for revision.. or else.. FAIL!!!!! let's jz pray this word will not appear through this whole process... phew..

LoVe.. FrusTraTing...

life is getting more n more meaningless to me... i felt myself like a dead person... i wake up every morning, walk alone for classes, come alone again from classes, n end up with loneliness.. no one knows how i feel through this whole process.. this feeling really hurts me so much... like an arrow strikes till my whole heart came crashing down.. now, i could really understand how does a loner feels... when u're happy, who's there to share with u?... when u're sad, who's there to cheer u up?... when u really need someone to be with, who's there to lend u a shoulder?.. other than frenz, when u really wanna share ur happiness with someone, who's there to enjoy with?..

i wonder... do ppl change completely after a certain period?... someone who used to love u, hv totally forgotten about u... u are nothing for tat person rite nw... is life alwayz turn out to be like tat everytime?... or izzit a big challenge for me?.. do i hv to go through this in order to get my life back?... even if i can go through this time, i would probably go crazy the next time.. i try to forget this, but i cant... i cant seem to get it erase off from my memory.. it's the hardest thing tat i can do... sees tat person everyday really tears my heart into pieces.. reminds me in the past... financial problem of coz disallowed me to get transfer to other college.. wat can i do?.. mind almost explode sooner or later..

if only i hv the guts to communicate.. to tell.. to confess.. to ask.. ..... or else, i wouldnt be over here thinking silly things.. but the fact is tat.. i dun.. i dun hv enough guts.. i cant do it.. im too coward to do it.. it's easier to be said than to be done.. i will jz keep it to myself.. or mayb forever.. i blame myself for being stubborn... if i could, i really wanna love him forever... n wouldnt change my mind on other guys... for he's the one who used to care for me when no one does... n tries to make me happy no matter wat... i really din hope for anything.. jz hope tat time could cure everything... gomene.. aishiteru..

End Of Holidayz...

back to malacca at last.. those bz days have finally over... thank god!... also i hv checked the exam's result.. not impressive but im satisfied with it.. hopefully i could increase my cgpa this coming semester... n btw, hv jz met up with lots of frenz here.. those days in 2nd sem... oh boy~... time flew by in a split second..

very happy now.. he came n chat with me.. cant believe tat he would.. as i would alwayz be the 1st to find him normally... rainbow strikes through my brain now.. i felt myself in paradise~.... he thought tat i was mad with him b4 tat.. oh well, the fact is tat i wasnt mad at him.. it was jz a disappointment at tat time.. jz feeling sad tat's all.. but.. but... im still glad about the fact tat he did chat with me.. yay~...

rite now.. wanna gambateh more on my studies this sem.. if i keep listening during lecture time, i believe i could achieve my goal as i wanted to.. as long as i finish all my required tasks, my gpa would definitely increase~.... hopefully...