Again?..

again.. feeling so down again.. although i was kinda entertained with my fren who is singing multiple kinds of songs in my room nw.. feeling hillarious coz she love to sing songs everyday n keep repeating the song!! hahaha.. anyway.. i jz found out tat his problem has been solved.. meanz the probz between him n her have been overcomed.. i think.. im happy tat they hv cleared their probz.. but at the same time.. my heart went sourish (bad language, i knw).. i still couldnt overcome my feeling towards him.. i try to.. i really try to control it.. but.. i dunno y.. everytime i glance a little at him, i blushed! so easily!!

if i can go back into the past, i would chose to go back to my 1st semester in mmu where i 1st knew him.. we used to talk last time.. but nw.. not even a word exists between us.. i oni talk to his frenz! i dunno y.. izzit because i was too shy to start a conversation with him? no idea.. i hv to find an excuse to chat with him.. suddenly a question pop up to my mind.. wat am i to him?.. nw tat he has belong to someone else, it's unfair for me to interupt their life isnt it.. no! i dunwan to be a bitch!! i really wanted them to be together sincerely.. since i cant have him adi.. i really do.. wat hurt the most? is when u realised how truly u were in love with someone.. if i love him, i shud wish a plenty happiness to them.. yes.. i shud..

no matter how much he used to love me, i hv got to accept tat it's adi in the past.. PAST TIME ALREADY!! (wateva im saying nw is easy of coz, but to make it to an action is hard!) seriously i hate myself nw.. i dunno who i am.. wat am i actually.. my personality has been lost lately.. frenz told me tat i've changed alot.. well, i dunno whether they meant it from the physically or mentally de.. it's so confusing recently.. everything has turned into jigsaw puzzle.. including my mind i guess.. (crapping alot of rubbish nw) everyone was like telling me tat im supposed to thank him for entering into my life coz he had taught me alot of things.. in tat case.. im found guilty.. really guilty.. i did hurt his feelings in the past rite.. sigh.. it's all coming back to me nw.. n i hv lost the day i let him go.. sobs..